A 23 year old girl.
Born in Uppsala, Sweden.
This is my tumblr blog where I post WIPs, tutorials and other stuff related to my art and life. Before sending in asks, please make sure to first browse the tag "Asks" to see if it's already been answered.
I had an awesome valborg (swedish tradition to celebrate spring).
I’m a little bit regretful for making journal posts that caused lots of tl;dr replies (the first one beng about whitewashing + the one about the picture someone used without permission). I wonder if I’ll have the energy to check out all those messages yet. I think I’ll save those for reply when I get new medicine in a couple of days. (It’s better to just prepare for the worst than go all in and end up saying something stupid).
But I had an awesome day. And a awesome weekend. Hanged out with lots of friends and such. Now I’m off to sleep and dream about unicorns and cute kittens.
Oh I’m not really that good either lol. I can focus mostly thanks to the medecine I take. But the meds mostly only helps me get focused/motivated - I’m still a sucker at organizing. So here’s some tips that has helped me out:
- Get a smartphone with some kind of notification app, or a calendar of some sort.
I will never regret getting an iPhone just because of this, I have notifications that alert me for some small things that you can easily forget. I have for example "sit straight!", "have you brushed your teeth?" and "contact this person NOW!”. They can be set at certain dates per month or every day. Since we ADHD’s can easily forget those things, we sort of need a reminder every once in a while. And since I’ve learned that your friends and family cannot always remind you of those things, gadgets like a smartphone is actually really really helpful for this.
- Clean your desk/workplace!
When your desk/workplace starts to be filled with stuff that’s only in your way, you can be distracted by all the things. I can for example not concentrate properly until I have put on my socks, because if I go barefeet and feet tiny breadcrumbs, I get distracted a tiny bit. Also, cleaning is actually a really good way to stimulate your ADHD-brain on a physical level. I often feel very accomplished once I have cleaned my room.
- Close down your browser!!! <— most important probably.
If you are working at the computer, and especially from home, it’s incredibly easy to start procrastinating by “just gotta check tumblr/facebook/twitter/ etc”. It’s so easy even when you have taken medicine. So close down your webbrowser and promise yourself NOT to open it until you’ve finished a certain task. Since you sort of am aware of how hard it is to focus on something you really don’t find stimulating, you can make it into a challenge with a reward afterwards.
- Work either in silence, or with music.
One thing that makes school harder for people with ADHD, is that we have to sit in a classroom with 20-30 other people who can’t shut the *** up. Hearing people talking in the background or trying to talk with you, makes it seriously IMPOSSIBLE to be able to concentrate in a room with interrupting sounds. (Not to mention how the whole education system is definitely not fit for a person with ADD/ADHD)
When I started to take medicine, I got more focused - but at the same time I got more alert as well. So I actually got even more annoyed when I heard background noises.
Listening to music while working seems to be a commonly used method for many people. Since it can block out sounds from people around you, and can easily help you establish a workflow. Wearing headphones without music works at some level as well, since it gives you a feeling of comfort and sometimes can block out sound.
- Use your habits to your advantage.
Having ADD/ADHD and similar conditions, means often that you very easily can create habits. And if something hinders you from doing this habit, you can get frustrated and angry.
I, for example, have a bad habit of leaving my keys on the kitchen table. My mom then place the keys in the key-shelf that we have. And when I can’t find my keys, I get very angry on both mom and myself for the fact that I should place the keys in the shelf to begin with.
But when you are aware of these habits, you should try everything to make good use out of them. Like make it a habit to always do the “three-tap-check” before going out. (Three-tap-check= wallet-keys-cellphone)
this is all I can think of right now, I hope it helps you out.
- One of them is of course allergic, so we have to take the dog inside my room.
- Everything else that makes sounds or that I have to leave my work for “a moment”.
I am very very very tired of my brother right now. He’s slamming doors and shouting even when he’s not even pissed off. If he ask you for help, he’ll yell “SHUT UP I KNOW” before you even open your mouth to say anything.
Btw I grew up with this kind of relation with my siblings, so I am always surprised when other people actually hang out with their brothers and sisters. I’ve always had the image that “siblings fight by default, it’s normal”.
Do not only “kill” your darlings, rape, butch and set them on fire too
and with that title, I’m saying that I think I have to sacrifice all these side-projects in order to fully achieve my goal to be a skilled concept artist within 4 months (YES 4 MONTHS, that’s all I’ve got more or less).
the tutorials will be delayed, very delayed. But yeah… sometimes you really have to choose between your future career or what you find fun to do at the moment.
I am that kind of person who doesn’t really get embarrassed of a situation like this. I am weird, I know.
About 30 people (where probably none of them know me personally IRL) accidentally had to listen to me arguing with my mother during the livestream. I forgot to turn the microphone off.
The reason behind the argument was that my brother stepped on my glasses so they broke in two pieces, in a way that made them unable to be repaired with glue or duckt-tape.
He had already been walking on and off for an hour because he had trouble taking off his contacts (he got them today) and was shouting and cursing in anger (and of course he has Aspergers…)
The thing that made me so angry (people in the stream could hear that I was pretty pissed-off) was that I forgot my glasses on the floor in the bathroom (a bad habit I tend to do when I need to do my business there) and I was just starting to wonder where I put my glasses that my mother called me to explain what my brother accidentally did.
What made me so angry is not because he stepped on my glasses (my ONLY pair of glasses and I have NO extra contacts) but that it was partly my own fault for placing the glasses on the floor to begin with. So I was more angry at myself for my stupidity and typical ADHD-habit of placing things on stupid places.
I wouldn’t be so upset if this happened a month ago, or somewhere the next two weeks.
But it apparently had to happen now.
When I’m tired, stressed out on a mentally level, and have to get up tomorrow at 5am to get to school in time - when I actually would prefer staying at home working.
It really was the last straw for me that moment. So if people on the stream heard me cry - then you guessed right.
But it helped to cry out a little, it was a "i’m-so-tired-and-stressed-out-right-now" kind of crying. And I seriously feel so much better now afterwards. So for you who felt bad hearing me - don’t worry. I think I needed to cry a little (we ALL do every now and then)
You are all awesome, because I think it’s thanks to you who always watch my livestreams and chat with me that helps me keep going. I don’t think I’d be able to actually pull down 18 different monster/creature designs in one day. So you guys mean a lot to me in these times. <3
I always feel so small and vulnerable when I have to go shop clothes. Due to a tight economy, I often only shop at H&M.
You sort of feel like the store will eat out if you enter. like the cave in “Alladdin”.
The sizes are messed up as well. Either the sizes are in Inch, centimeters or in “SX,S,M,L and XL”. This causes great confusion since different brands and their national origin refuses to use the same fucking size measurement.
Shoes are a problem for me as well. I cannot walk in high-heels, I have some sort of weird damage in my toes that makes walking on them a big pain. However, I don’t wanna go around in sneakers all the time. I would love to have a pair of feminine shoes without giant heels. Too bad that everthing labeled “woman” has to include fucking heels.
Speaking of women. Swedish women are not pretty, they all look like this when I go to H&M. Like they are trying too hard to look “natural pretty” and use tons and tons of makeup with natural colors, which looks more ugly than using a lot of extreme and obvious makeup.
And those piercings. I DONT GET IT.
Sometimes I go shopping with a friend, I often have to act as the guy who says if she should buy the thing or not. But really. I don’t give a flying fuck, I just wanna go and eat at subway.
So yeah. In the end, I try to be as fast as I can when I shop. Because I know I will die inside the store if I don’t leave it within an hour.
“The night to friday personnel att the Norrtäljeinstitution forgot to lock up six interns, three of them convicted for murder, in their cells. The interns took the opportunity to make chocolate cake and watch TV.
- The best night in a long time, says one of the interns”
Sometimes it can feel like you have to suffer a lot in order to achieve a goal, it is good to know where your limits are.
When I made Krig RAWR, I more or less learned that I can produce 18 pretty well made pages in about two months. And that included storyboarding, sketching and finally inking. And I worked on it every single day, not stressing me out but taking enough time each day. It took me approximately one or two pages a day - the sketching and storyboarding takes longest time since you have to plan the page layout.
And since that’s about the “speed limit” I have to work a lot, but not stressing myself out, I decided to not make a comic for a contest that has a deadline in december, and also put some of my tutorial-projects on ice. Since it makes me 2 months to make a good comic with 18-20 pages, I had to spend every day focusing ONLY on the comic. However, it’s a waste of important time for my concept art project. So I put the comic aside and decided to focus ONLY on my concept art, because I will need more than two months in order to achieve my goals with the project.
If you plan out what you have to do within a limited time, plan it in three phases - that is one of the few plannings that actually works for me, and I have severe ADHD so this is a huge tip.
Phase 1: Prepare and research.
Choose your project, write down a list of what to do. Get resources like anatomy books and similar if needed.
Phase 2: Start the project
Phase 3: Polish and finish ONE WEEK BEFORE DEADLINE.
Give yourself an earlier deadline, that method has saved me a lot of anxiety. I hope this was the answer you was looking for :)
One time 3 years ago, in a snowy Stockholm, I was walking on a couple of abandoned rails together with my three friends. I’ll keep their real names anonymous just in case. Since this is a true story. We were heading for a rave, my very first rave-party! You could guess I was excited, I have always loved hardstyle music and a intense beat. It was very dark, since it was winter back then and winter in sweden is usually very dark as well. And as we walked further and further along the railway, walls of rock appeared on each side of us. Even if I was outside, I sort of felt like these gigantic walls of stone tried to capture us. Here and there you could see branches of tree pop out from the snow, it reminded me of the movie Snow White when she’s running through the dark forest. We stopped at the entrance of a tunnel, it was so quiet, where was the music? I listened a little more and could sense a small bass through the ground. At the entrance were two guys, we paid them to get a ticket in. There was no closet to hang our stuff - and I was stupid enough to bring my computer with me. But Oscar told me we could put our stuff on the ground and dance around it if we want to make sure no one would steal anything. It sounded fair to me, and so we entered the tunnel.
The tunnel was big, very big, since it belonged to a closed metro that was no longer in use. It was pitch black - no trace of light whatsoever - and we walked past a diesel-generator (used to provide electricity for the party). The intense smell of benzine hit my nostrils, though it was cool and airy in the tunnel. So the smell quickly disappeared.
I wasn’t sober, I had a bottle of alcohol in my pocket that I shared with my friends. However, this environment we entered fascinated me to a level that I kept myself pretty alert. And then, after walking a long way, we could hear the sound.
BMM BMM BMM BMM…
And as metaphoric as it sounds, I could now see a light at the end of the tunnel.
The light started to flicker in different rhythms, it switched between green, blue and red. The music echoed through the tunnel and provided even better sound together with the large speakers. When we arrived at the source of the music, we barely couldn’t see the DJ’s because of the crowd, but that might also be because I am a pretty short girl to begin with. A green light of laser hit my eyes, and the thought hit me that I should avoid looking at it - no matter how cool it looked. I’ve heard that looking at laser can damage your eyes if the light is too intense, and I didn’t wanna take any risks on my very first rave.
The people there was very cool, rave-clothes are always a fashion I will love. The UV-light made people white clothes glow in the dark, some wore makeup that also glowed.
We started to dance, just like everybody else, and kept us to ourselves with out bags in safe. I quickly learned how to dance to the music, there’s many kinds of dances to techno and hardstyle - shuffle and jumpstyle is very fun and cool to watch - but many people just dance whatever they feel like.
I started to build up my own ecstasy as I danced - the human body is capable to do this without the help of drugs, all you need is an intense rhythm and the ability to forget the world around you and just focus on the rhythm. I could really feel my heart beat along with the music, the music was really good as well. There was this random guy who walked around and gave people CD’s for free. Najda got one, there was nothing special written on the cover, so we had no idea of what the content could be. For the rest of the time we all danced along with the intense UNTZ UNTZ UNTZ UNTZ UNTZ…
Suddenly, I saw Najda fall to the ground, with eyes dead blank. My first thought that hit me was "Oh shit, she’s having a seizure?!" She had just passed out, or at least she couldn’t stand up. She tried to stand up but her legs was like spaghetti. We carried her out from the tunnel.
If you haven’t carried a body of a person before, then I can tell you - we humans weight a lot, somehow we weight even morewhen we are unconscious and the body is relaxed.
We went past the generator again, Oscar looked at it with a worried look, and out of the tunnel. Najda already felt better when she got a grasp of fresh air. She sat there in the snow, a random guy who saw us gave her a bag of chips so she got something to eat.
One thing that’s interesting with rave - compared to regular clubs - is that people are not as drunk or annoying, sure there’s people who take their happy-pills, but most of them take them while being sober - because alcohol can give a verynegative (and more dangerous) effect of pills. However, being high or not, people are actually pretty friendly and nice at a rave - or at least on those raves I’ve been to.
When Najda felt better, we decided to leave, we had only been there for 2 hours but we felt pretty unmotivated now. As we was heading back to city we all felt a bit depressed, we talked and ranted about problems we had, about people we had problems with, and so on.
We stopped at McDonald’s (Or was it MAX? Don’t quite remember) to get something to eat. It was there we discovered how we looked. When we looked in the mirror, our faces was all dirty and all black around our nostrils. That was a pretty dirty rave, I must say.
To make a long story short - we all went home to our places to sleep - around 4 am. I slept at Najda’s place, though we never really got any sleep because we stayed up all morning talking about stuff.
That morning, when eating breakfast, Najda and I decided to nottell our parents about what happened at the rave. Just a moment after that, her mom rushes into the kitchen and said: "Have you watched the news?" We just sat there looking at her. "There was a rave where people almost got gased to death! You weren’t at that rave?!"
"No, we left after like two hours." "The police was there, it was in a tunnel without permission! You better not go to parties like that again or else…!
"Don’t worry, we won’t."
Apparently, what made Najda pass out at the rave was carbon monoxide gas from the generator in the tunnel. Carbon monoxide is a very dangerous gas, it doesn’t smell or is that visible. And if you are drunk - or high on pills - in a dark tunnel with intense music, it is impossible to notice the gas.
Even if the tunnel was very big, the gas from the generator quickly filled the whole tunnel. And since it was at winter, it was very cool and felt airy when we danced there - I never started to sweat while dancing.
The organizers overestimated the air in the tunnel and therefore placed the generator inside the tunnel instead of outside - a decision which gave them a lot of troubles in the end.
No one was seriously hurt by the gas - they evacuated the tunnel just right after we left since more and more people started to feel dizzy and pass out.
I know I’ve heard of Carbon Monoxide in school, but I think I never really understood how dangerous it can be - sometimes you have to experience the danger to actually learn.
However, even though we literally got gased in a tunnel, it was the most awesome experience I’ve ever had. For being my very first rave, it was not only a new experience but also a bit of a adventure.
I’ve continued going to rave-parties since then, and they have inspired me to make some of my personal favourites in my gallery.
Whenever I get the time on my hands, I will make a short comic based on this story.
This picture touched me so much when I saw it on dA some months ago, I’ve never started crying because of a picture. But this one is very special, it brings up a subject we all will encounter sooner or later in life.
And yes, it was actually the ghosts of the cat and the dog that made me burst into tears. I will always remember my cat Misse and the day when dad found him dead on the road - hit by a car of course. This also reminds me of my older relatives when they left our world, one day we will join them and I sure hope they make a big welcome-party for me when I die as well.
This is probably one of the most touching pictures I’ve ever seen.